Living In Fear
by McRaider
Summary: (COMPLETE) What would you do if you were going to lose the one person you loved the most, and it was your fault? When Estel overhears something he shouldn't have, he becomes frightened and runs away to save the person, but can Elrond save his child
1. Over Hearing

Living In Fear  
By Stephanie L.  
  
Summary: When Estel over hears a conversation between Lord Elrond and Gandalf he suddenly believes his father is dying, and it's his fault. He runs away, not wanting to kill his father. Can Elladan, Elrohir and Elrond save him before he dies?  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own them, wish I did, but I do not. I simply barrow them for an extended amount of time, then eventually return them. If you have not noticed yet a song or poem will begin each story from this series "Before he was King" So please sit back relax and enjoy. Unsinable isn't mine  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Note: I completely and truly side with Cassia and Sio when they state that Estel was raised by Elrond and that Estel's mom died with Arthorn. So if you do not please do not continue reading, or read on and don't ask me what she's not in this (. Second note, there is spanking in this, only once, and as you'll read, Estel completely deserves it! Hehe sorry folks.  
  
Feedback: Yes! Please keep it constructive,  
  
2nd Note: ~^~^~ means flashback sequence, because I'm having problems making things Italics on FF.net. So anytime you see ~^~^~ that means it's a flashback  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------------------  
  
Unsinkable Ship- Joe Nicholas  
  
My dad chased monsters from the dark,  
Checked underneath my bed.  
He could lift me with one arm,  
Way up over top his head.  
He could loosen rusty bolts,  
With a quick turn of his wrench.  
He pulled splinters from his hand,  
Never even flinched.  
In 13 years I'd never seen him cry,  
But the day that Grandpa died,  
I realized  
  
((chorus))  
Unsinkable ships sink  
Unbreakable walls break  
Sometimes the things you think will never happen  
Happen just like that  
Unbendable steel bends  
If the fury of the wind is unstoppable,  
I've learned to never under estimate  
The impossible  
  
Then there was my junior year,  
Billy had a brand new car.  
It was late, the road was wet,  
I guess the curve was just too sharp.  
I walked away with out a scratch,  
They brought the helicopter in.  
Billy couldn't feel his legs,  
They said he'd never walk again.  
But Billy said he would, and his mom and daddy prayed,  
and the day we graduated, he stood up to say,  
  
((chorus))  
  
**Bridge**  
So don't tell me that it's over,  
Don't give up on you and me  
'cause there's no such thing as hopeless  
if you believe  
  
((chorus))  
  
~Bad News~  
"I'm sorry to have to break this to you Mellon nin, but there is no other way, we have tried everything possible," stated Gandalf sadly as they walked slowly in the gardens.  
  
"How long before I need to tell them?" Elrond asked looking at his dear friend.  
  
"Week, maybe two at most, I shall send for Galadriel as soon as I can. Obviously she will wish to be here at the end."  
  
"Yes, well I will break it to the twins and Estel soon, I don't know where to even begin honestly," stated Elrond gently.  
  
"Start with the truth my dear friend. They will accept nothing less. Do you have the herbs for the pain?"  
  
"Yes, I will be running out soon, when will you be returning?"  
  
"In three days, probably no less."  
  
"Bring some with you, for I fear my herbs are growing old and the pain will grow worse."  
  
"Ay, that I will mellon nin. When will you be telling the three?"  
  
"I don't know, Elladan and Elrohir have been gone all morning, they'll be here sometime tomorrow evening I imagine, so probably shortly there after. I would tell Estel now, but well he is currently not speaking with us," Elrond said rubbing his temples at the blazing headache.  
  
"Well, do not let that bother you. Did he become angry when his brothers left him?"  
  
"What else, that boy is the most stubborn...Well, anyway, he gives me more headaches than he's worth sometimes," stated Elrond softly.  
  
"Yes, he is quite a handful, well good luck my friend, I shall be back in three days, hopefully with Galadriel."  
  
"Namaarie mellon nin," Elrond said as Gandalf mounted his horse.  
  
"Namaarie Lord Elrond," with that the ancient wizard turned and rode off. Elrond shook his head and headed back up the winding stairs of his home in Imladris. Unseen to him in the tree just above where he and the wizard had been speaking sat Estel, in a high up branch. His usually tan face was now pale white, his blue gray eyes filled with silvery tears. He shook his head vigorously, this couldn't be, elves didn't get sick, they didn't die. However, Gandalf was an even better healer than Ada, and if he said Ada was dying, then he meant it.  
  
Jumping down from his spot he looked around, for somewhere to hide so he could cry. Instead he raced up the stairs into his house and towards his room, where he threw himself onto the bed. His Ada was dying, and soon. No matter how hard the child tried, he could not get past that idea.  
  
~*~  
  
Elrond slowly opened the door to his youngest son's room. Having punished him early that morning Elrond felt bad for their earlier words. The child had thrown a tantrum when his brothers refused to take him on their hunting trip. Which then lead to Elrond's yelling at the young boy.  
  
~^~^~  
  
"It's not fair! I never get to go anywhere!" Screamed Estel.  
  
"You will hold you tongue in this house young man!" bit Elrond, Elven Lord to Rivendell. The twins sighed and shook their heads.  
  
"If I were an elf I'd be going!"  
  
"Not if you acted like this you wouldn't!"  
  
"I'm not stupid little baby you can push around! I'm almost eight!"  
  
"You are my son, you are living under my roof! You will hold your tongue at this dinning table or you will go to your room and remain there for the rest of the morning, afternoon and evening!"  
  
"Anything is better than knowing I'm not good enough!"  
  
"GO TO YOUR ROOM! GO NOW!" Yelled Lord Elrond, as the twins stared at him wide eyed. Lord Elrond rarely rose his voice in the house, and it was only when one of his children were being very bad.  
  
"I don't wanna go!" Elladan was finding it hard to believe this child hadn't been smacked yet. Elrond was not a violent father, he rarely spanked his children, but Estel was cruising for a spanking at this point; and from the looks of their father's face, he was going to be getting one.  
  
"If you are not in your room within the next ten seconds, you will be spending a great deal of time in that room, and in a corner, and on your stomach!" bit Elrond one last time. Estel finally got the hint, for a moment later he was up from the table and running for his room.  
  
"Ada?"  
  
"Elrohir, I really don't want to talk about this right now."  
  
"'Ro, no offense but you baby him way too much," stated Elladan, although in his heart he knew he was just as guilty at that as Elrohir was.  
  
"Well, I'm sorry, but he is only seven years old!" Elrohir scooted his chair out and got up from his place at the table. Marching off towards his younger brother's room; knocking on the door he slowly opened it to see Estel standing by the balcony looking out at the beautiful land that was Rivendell.  
  
"Not many elves, or humans I know search for a spanking," came Elrohir's voice, snapping his unaware brother back to reality.  
  
"I don't belong with the humans, and I don't belong here, Elrohir, I am always told I belong with you, 'Dan and Ada, but how come I can't go with you on a hunting trip?" Elrohir sighed and lifted his brother into his arms; sitting down in a nearby rocking chair 'Ro sighed.  
  
"Because it's dangerous, and you're just learning how to ride a horse, you aren't allowed to handle weapons. There are many reasons tithen pen. You will be allowed to hunt with us when you are older. This I promise you."  
  
"I feel left out when everyone but me goes."  
  
"What about Ada?"  
  
"He is always working."  
  
"I guess I was lucky, when I was your age I had Elladan to play with, or attempt to at least. Usually he stole all my toys, however, I also had Arwen and Amme to play with. I'm sorry you feel left out. I will make a deal with you," Estel looked at him hopefully.  
  
"You try and behave more often, as in stop arguing with Ada as often, and wait until we ask you to join us on the hunting trips; and I shall see if I can't perhaps find you a little playmate, such as that puppy you have been wanting," Estel smiled widely.  
  
"I promise!" Estel said, causing Elrohir to chuckle lightly.  
  
"Promise me nothing young one, for I do not seek such promises, just tell me you shall try your best."  
  
"I will do my best 'Ro," Estel said as he leaned against his brother's chest for a moment.  
  
"Why is Elladan made at me?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"It seems like he and I can never get along lately," stated Estel. Elrohir nodded, he had been seeing such a thing, and it was worrying him. It was a second reason 'Ro wanted to get out with his twin, so they could just talk.  
  
"Estel, 'Dan loves you with all that is him, however, there's something on his mind of late, and I'm planning to speak with him about it while we are hunting tonight."  
  
"'Ro, let's go, Glorfindel is waiting!" came Elladan's voice from the courtyard outside.  
  
"Coming," he shouted back, then looked at his brother again, "I'll see you tomorrow evening, before dinner at least."  
  
"Okay, with my puppy?"  
  
"Most likely. Now, remember our agreement, you try and keep your tongue more civil and I will try to get you your puppy," Estel nodded with agreement. Elrohir nodded and sat the child on his bed, placing a kiss upon his head.  
  
"I love you long shanks," Estel smiled at the new nickname. Everyone had agreed the nickname fit, for a child of seven and the boy had longer legs than most humans.  
  
"I love you too 'Ro...'Ro, tell 'Dan I love him."  
  
"I will gwador," with that and a soft smile Elrohir left the room. Estel raced to the balcony and watched his two brothers leave on their horses. Elrond waving goodbye to them.  
  
~^~^~  
  
Elrond shook his head at the thought and walked over to the bed, his son lying flat on his back fast asleep. Touching the back softly Elrond gently shook the slim shoulder.  
  
"Come tithen Estel, it is time for lunch," explained Elrond. However, his son only groaned and turned on his side away from Elrond. The Elven Lord chuckled and repeated the action.  
  
"Come Estel, lunch is ready, and it is your favorite," he smiled as the little blue eyes fluttered open. Estel, now lying on his stomach, looked up at his father and suddenly felt pain enter his being. Tears clouding his eyes and filling his heart with despair. Elrond become confused as his son suddenly threw his arms around Elrond's neck and began to sob against him.  
  
"I'm sorry Ada, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it," whimpered the child. Elrond, confused even more now, gently rubbed the back and whispered calming words in elfish.  
  
"I know that child, you are no longer in trouble. It is all right, tell Ada what's wrong."  
  
"Nothing...it was a nightmare, Ada, I'm not hungry," whispered the child. Elrond smiled softly and moved from his seat. Bringing back a wash cloth he began to clean the child's face off gently.  
  
"Well how about you try and eat a little something, you didn't eat much breakfast," Elrond said as he finished cleaning the tear streaked face. The child nodded, the elven lord placed the cloth back on the dresser and returned to the boy. He was surprised when Estel reached up to be held, Estel was at the independence age, where he wanted to do everything by himself. Elrond was beginning to realize his little boy was growing up, and would no longer be able to fit into his lap soon. Wanting nothing more than to comfort his child, Elrond lifted the small lanky child into his arms and carried him into the dinning room.  
  
Tithen--little  
  
Ada--dad/daddy  
  
Gwador--brother  
  
Naamarie--Farewell  
  
Mellon--friend  
  
Nin-my/mine  
  
Amme-mom/mommy 


	2. Nightmares

~Nightmares~  
  
a/n: / \ are thoughts  
  
Elrond couldn't help but notice how exhausted his youngest seemed to be, even after many hours of naps, he looked horrible. Elrond wondered if he wasn't coming down with something. He would allow himself to check later, until then maybe his son would talk about it.  
  
Lunch was a quiet affair, Estel ate very little, probably less than he had for breakfast. He didn't look up from his food and most of the time he was off in a dream state.  
  
"Ada, what are you doing now?" Estel asked as Elrond took the dishes and handed them to their kitchen servant. The child looked absolutely horrible, as though he was longing to simply be held.  
  
"Well, I have papers that need to be finished, go over a few things for a meeting next week. Why?"  
  
"Can I come to the study with you?"  
  
"Of course young one, in fact why don't I move my stuff to the great room, that way you are far more comfortable as am I." Estel nodded as his father slowly got up. Once again his son reached for him. Again Elrond lifted his son into his arms, not liking how much the child seemed to weigh now.  
  
Within moments Estel was curled up in his father's favorite chair by the fire, sleeping soundly, and Elrond was alternating between worrying about the human and actually getting a few things done.  
  
However a loud scream jolted Elrond from his work suddenly. He looked up to see his son trying to fight off the horrible invisible demons. Elrond jumped up and lifted his little son into his arms.  
  
"Estel, child, it's Ada, shh, it's all right," cooed Elrond as he gently caressed the boy's face. Estel buried his head in his father's shoulder and began to sob.  
  
"Shh, what is wrong small one? What has in you such a horrible state," inquired the elven lord as he tried to calm his youngest child.  
  
"Please don't leave me daddy," Elrond was surprised by the name, Estel only used Daddy when he was really hurting. Elrond gripped the child's chin, his heart breaking as the silver blue eyes were filled with tears and blood shot from pervious tears. His face pale in contrast to the dark hair that fell on his face.  
  
"Leave you? Oh tithen nin Estel, what ever makes you think I would or could leave you?" Elrond watched the child's chin quiver is sadness.  
  
"Oh little one, I could never leave you, what is worrying you so? Come, it is okay to speak with me tithen pen."  
  
"No, no, I'm fine...it...it was just a nightmare, a horrible nightmare," whimpered the child as he delved closely to his father again. Elrond, unsure of what else he could do for the small child, he wrapped his arms tighter around the boy and kissed his forehead.  
  
"Estel, seldo, are you sure?"  
  
"Ay, I'm...positive."  
  
"Perhaps you should go to sleep..."  
  
"No! Please, Ada, can't I just sit here in you arms...for a few more moments," Elrond sighed and nodded.  
  
"Of course child, you are always welcome to a hug," Elrond said squeezing the child tightly to his chest.  
  
~*~  
  
Elrond slowly opened his eyes, looking around he suddenly realized it was the middle of the night, and in his lap lay his small child. The boy seemed to be resting peacefully. So with a sigh, Elrond carried the child into his room and tucked him in. Elrond pressed a kiss to the boy's forehead, also checking for fever. Find no fever, and a somewhat content look on his face, Elrond headed for his own bedroom.  
  
Elrond guessed he had only been asleep for an hour, if that, when he heard another scream. "NO!!!!!!" Came the cry and yell. Racing out of his room, Elrond once again found his son thrashing around on the bed.  
  
"Estel, child, Estel!" Elrond raised his voice, catching the child from his sleep. The boy looked up, his eyes glazed over with a small fever and terror in his eyes.  
  
"Please daddy, don't leave me, don't leave me! I'll be good daddy," he sobbed for the third time that day in Elrond's arms.  
  
"Shh, child, I will not leave you. Please tell me what troubles you, so I can make it better."  
  
"I...I can't...Daddy, what would happen to me...if you ever died?" Estel asked. Elrond looked at the child curiously.  
  
"Elves rarely die Estel, they move onto the grey havens, but they don't normally die."  
  
"I know Ada, but please, tell me," whimpered the boy. Elrond sighed and rocked the cradled boy in his arms gently.  
  
"Well, Elladan and Elrohir would care for you, until you were of age to do as you please, to fulfill your destiny. Someone would always care for you young one. You wouldn't be left alone in this great world."  
  
"Won't the twins go to the Grey Heavens one day too?"  
  
"Of course, one day, but probably not until your time on earth is over, and that won't come for hundreds of years yet. Do you feel any better?" Estel nodded shortly.  
  
"Think you can try to get some sleep?" The child looked up at his Ada.  
  
"Can...can I sleep with you?"  
  
"I suppose so, come young one," Elrond said. Carrying Estel into his bedroom, he pulled the covers back and wrapped them tightly around his young son, then got in as well and wrapped a protective arm around the boy.  
  
"Sleep tithen pen, sleep."  
  
~*~  
  
Breakfast was identical to the lunch the day before, Estel asked to be excused after pushing his food around on his dish for twenty-five minutes. Elrond doubted very much the child had put a single bit in his mouth.  
  
Not knowing where else to go, Estel headed to his tree, the place he had overheard the words the day before. Climbing up into the tree he tried to relax and simply think about what had been said. He couldn't help but feel horrible.  
  
"Estel is driving everyone insane, my Ada told me the human threw a fit when his brothers said he couldn't go hunting! Imagine that, a seven year old human hunting! Who does he think he is? An elf!" laughed one child, Estel froze, allowing no sound to come from above as he continued to listen to the conversation between the two elflings.  
  
"My Ada said that Lord Elrond is starting to regret his decision, Ada says the human will probably kill Elrond before he ever makes it to the Grey Havens. His brothers probably didn't want him to go so they could get away from him!" Laughed the other elf child. Estel was too stunned to cry, or yell or even scream. He just continued to listen to their conversation.  
  
"He should have learned by now that he doesn't belong here. He's a human, just a stupid little human," the two elves laughed as they walked by.  
  
"Estel!?" Came the voice. Estel was so frightened by the voice of his father that he plummeted from where he sat on the high branch. Elrond, nimble as always, managed to catch his son just before the child hit the ground.  
  
"Estel, what were you doing up there!?" Elrond asked with worry written all over his features. Estel gazed into his father's eyes. /Gosh, he looks so tired, so worn/. Thought Estel.  
  
"Estel did you hear me?"  
  
"Sorry Ada," Estel whispered looking down.  
  
"I said I have to go visit an elf on the other side of Rivendell I will be back by night fall, I promise."  
  
"Promise?" Elrond looked at the boy seriously.  
  
"Yes Estel, I promise," Elrond said as they headed towards the barn.  
  
"I love you Ada," he whispered. Confused and worried Elrond looked at his son.  
  
"I love you too Estel," with a sigh Elrond mounted the horse and trotted off to the other side of Rivendell.  
  
/"Estel is driving everyone insane, my Ada told me the human threw a fit when his brothers said he couldn't go hunting! Imagine that, a seven year old human hunting! Who does he think he is? An elf!" "My Ada said that Lord Elrond is starting to regret his decision, Ada says the human will probably kill Elrond before he ever makes it to the Grey Havens. His brothers probably didn't want him to go so they could get away from him!"/ The voices rang out loud and clear, as Estel slapped his hands over his ears as tears formed in his eyes. There was only one thing Estel could think of to stop this from happening, if he was causing the death of his Ada, then he would just have to go away. Maybe not forever, but long enough that his father would be okay again.  
  
Estel ran up to his room in a hurry, grabbed a satchel and began stuffing clothes, a picture and a couple other items in his bag. He then hurried into the kitchens, no one was around, so he easily grabbed a couple things to eat for the next few days. Once he got off Rivendell territory he would go from there.  
  
Hurrying into the barn he spotted his pony, he had only rode her a few times, but he knew what he was doing. He saddled her quickly and within fifteen to twenty minutes he was riding out of the gates to Rivendell. The snow of the winter season would slow them down, but Estel had no time to think about this as he pulled his elven cloak tightly around his now chilled body.  
  
A/N: Sorry I've been fighting off a nasty virus, so I'm a little late with this. Thank you for the reviews 


	3. Missing

~Missing~  
  
Elladan and Elrohir smiled as they jumped off their horses, Glorfindel chuckled as he continued his conversation with another guard.  
  
"Here boys, I shall take care of the horses, I'm sure Estel will be thrilled to see the puppy you brought him," Glorfindel said looking at the small golden puppy in Elrohir's arms. As he had promised shortly before they headed back home, they dropped by a nearby neighbor whose dog had given birth and picked up a puppy for Estel.  
  
"Thanks Glorfindel, I can't wait to see his face," Elladan said chuckling. They headed into the house where they found no one.  
  
"That's strange," whispered Elladan curiously as he ran a hand through his long dark hair.  
  
"I shall put the puppy in my room, then we will go try and figure out where our little brother and Ada is," Elrohir said, Elladan nodded and watched him go. Elladan, meanwhile, began to look around, something wasn't right. He noticed his brother's drawers slightly open, two pictures were missing, his bed was made, and his satchel was missing.  
  
"Oh Valar," whispered Elladan he hurried to the balcony, "Glorfindel!" he called out to his dear friend. The Elder blond elf came out of the barn and looked up at the elf.  
  
"Is Tindómë in her stall?"  
  
"No, however, neither is Elrond's."  
  
"Dammit," hissed Elladan, he rarely used such human words, but this was a good time for one.  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"Our brother seems to have gone missing. Tindómë isn't in her stall, and our brother has taken some things with him," Elladan pointed to such obvious clues.  
  
"Oh boy," came Elrohir's voice as he spotted their father riding back into the yard, without a trace of their brother following behind.  
  
~*~  
  
It was nearing night fall, Estel knew the temperature was dropping, and the sky looked like it was prepared to storm. The sky had grown gray and dismal, so with no other choice but to get out of harms way, Estel pulled his pony, Tindómë over towards a nearby cave.  
  
"Come girl, only for a little while, then we shall begin on our way again," Estel said as he led the pony into the cave. The pony whined a little, not liking the situation.  
  
"I'd prefer you were not out in the ran Tindómë, you are safer in here," I will gather some sticks quickly and make a fire, so we can be warm," he explained gently.  
  
Estel and the pony stood in just inside the entrance of the cave, watching the rain begin to pour.  
  
"Come on girl, let's get warm," he whispered as he wrapped a blanket around her, as well as himself. Sitting down on the ground he leaned against the rock behind him and closed his eyes.  
  
Awareness began to leave him, when suddenly he heard a loud pitted growl coming from deeper in the cave.........turning his head he saw the yellow eyes glowing, and drool coming off the creature's snout.  
  
~*~  
  
"Ada, we will head out first thing tomorrow morning," explained Elladan as his father stood in Estel's room by the balcony.  
  
"It's raining," Elrond whispered. Elladan just watched his father for a moment, "it's raining and my little boy is out there. He could be hurt, in trouble, or........." Elrond didn't have the heart to say it, he couldn't say it. The words hurt far to much to admit the possibility that his youngest child was dead.  
  
"He's probably just fine Ada, you know Estel, he's resourceful, he can take care of himself enough to survive until we find him."  
  
"And if we don't find him," Elladan didn't respond to his father's words.  
  
"We'll find him," with that Elladan left the Elven Lord alone.  
  
"Valar, Estel where are you child, and what is going through your mind that you would run away. What happened that was so horrible child?" whispered Elrond as he continued to stare out the window.  
  
Elrond knew he hadn't been the only one to hear the sound, there it was again. The sound of screaming, however it was getting further away.  
  
"Ada!?" Elrohir yelled as he came to the room, standing beside his father.  
  
"I heard it too, it was Estel," murmured Elrond.  
  
~*~  
  
Estel had learned about creatures such as this, he knew enough to know they were very dangerous, and often times were followed by even more dangerous owners. He knew enough about the Wargs and Orcs to know he had to run.  
  
With a high pitched scream Estel jumped on the back of Tindómë and raced out of the cave screaming loudly. However when he looked back he saw the Warg was on his tail.  
  
"Come on Tindómë, we need to go faster!" yelled Estel to his pony, the beautiful pony urged herself to run faster through the wet and slippery rain. She however never saw the mud puddle they were coming up on, nor did her owner. She rain right through it, although slide might have been a better word. For the pony lost her footing, sending her owner as well as herself crashing to the ground.  
  
One minute Estel was raiding as fast as he could on his horse, and the next moment he was sailing through the air landing in the mud. The landing, while on something soft, shot stabs of pain through his ankle and left arm. Another scream erupted from his lips as he looked up to see the Warg standing over his pony.  
  
Realizing he had no chance, and neither did his beautiful pony, Estel took off running as fast as he could. Soaked to the bone from the pouring rain and caked in mud Estel was starting to regret ever leaving Rivendell in the first place.  
  
A/N: Please forgive the three day wait for this, as I said earlier in my last chapter I had become some what ill. I am feeling much better now, so I decided to drop this off as a Valentines (or single's awareness) Day present. Here you are and please enjoy. 


	4. Do You Believe

~Do You Believe~  
  
Elrond, Elladan, Elrohir, Glorfindel, and Gandalf were out by the next day searching for the young human.  
  
"Ada," whispered Elrohir as they came upon the dead pony. Elrond sucked in a sharp breath and closed his eyes against the sight.  
  
"Tell me my son isn't near that animal."  
  
"No, your son seems to have run, his tracks, while hard to read are indeed seeable in the mud."  
  
"He's in more danger on foot than on the pony," whispered Elrond as he gazed upon the poor dead animal.  
  
"Poor thing, least she is no longer in pain," whispered Elladan as he gazed down at the once beautiful light brown pony.  
  
"Some how, I doubt our puppy will be able to help Estel recover from this," murmured Elrohir. Elrond had given Estel Tindómë almost two years ago, and Estel had fallen instantly for the pony. He rode her every chance he got and when he was told he was allowed.  
  
"We should keep moving Elrond, we are not but a day behind your son," explained Glorfindel  
  
"Any sign of injury?" Elrond asked.  
  
"Nay, my guess is Estel hit the mud, and while it may cause bruises he will be just fine."  
  
"Then let us continue," Elrond said urging his horse forward as the others followed him.  
  
"Ada, what do we do if........."  
  
"Don't say it Elladan, I will not hear such a thing from your lips," stated Elrond as he pushed his horse into a faster gait.  
  
"'Dan, do you think we'll really find Estel, safe and alive?" Elrohir asked riding beside his brother.  
  
"Part of me says yes, but.........you know this country as well as I do El, and you also know it's very dangerous for us, much less a seven year old boy. Estel doesn't know how to survive alone in the wilderness. There's more than just wolves, there's wargs and Orcs, our brother is in quite a predicament," Elladan answered truthfully.  
  
"I.........I .........I wish we had taken him," muttered Elrohir suddenly as he sped his horse up to match their fathers. Elladan looked down to the ground slightly.  
  
"So do I," he muttered as he continued to hang back a little.  
  
~*~  
  
The rains had made the ground slippery, and dangerous, as Estel tried desperately to continue walking. He didn't realize how close he was coming to a nearby cliff, a decent drop. He was tired, his entire body ached from being thrown from his horse. His mind was still reeling from the words Gandalf had spoken of his father.  
  
He didn't even realize it until he felt himself begin to shiver, that snow had begun falling, and that he was quickly being surrounded by the white cold substance. Lakes and rivers had frozen over weeks ago, but the snow pointed out that Winter Solstice was on its way.  
  
Thoughts of winter past came to mind, they had always been a pleasant time in the Elven Lord's realm. Estel couldn't remember a Solstice when he wasn't happy. This would be a first. For he would be all alone this solstice. He groaned as he felt his body going numb, pain, exhaustion and hunger were quickly over taking him.  
  
As the snow began to rise he began to despair, he was so tired, and so cold. Finally he collapsed into the cold, wet snow and felt tears begin to escape his eyes.  
  
"Ada, where now?" He whimpered sadly as he looked around. He needed to get up, he knew that much, if he didn't get up he would die.  
  
"Ada, I wish I had never ran away," he murmured as he tried to rise his wet body from the cold snow.  
  
"Rise child, you must keep walking," came the strange voice. Looking around at the gray sky and open land Estel saw no one who could have spoken such words. "You must get up child, you must keep walking, you will be all right, but do not stop moving!" came the urgent voice.  
  
"I can't go one anymore," he stated loudly, but no voice responded. So gathering all his strength left he slowly stood up, and began to walk forward. Hoping by some chance to Valar he would find somewhere warm to remain.  
  
With all the heavy snow and his weakness Estel never saw the edge of the cliff growing closer with each step. It wasn't until he felt the ground from under him disappear that he realized how much trouble he was truly in.  
  
~*~  
  
"Ada, we can't keep on like this, we're going to freeze to death!" Called Elladan, he didn't want to give up, but he was freezing. They're elfish cloaks were doing nothing to defeat the biting wind that was hitting him square in the face.  
  
"We will find your brother!" Bit Elrond.  
  
"Ada, if Estel has a brain in his head he has sought refuge!" Stated Elladan with frustration.  
  
"You would do well to hold your tongue about your brother in that tone. As to shelter, where do you think to find some ion nin? 'Tis barren land, nothing more!"  
  
"Ada, We've been riding straight for almost an entire day, the horses are cold, we're cold, we're hungry, and we're scared. No one is in a good state of mind right now," Elrohir agreed.  
  
"I will not leave my son to such weather alone! It is my fault he is gone, I will find him!"  
  
"Ada, you cannot blame this on yourself, you had no idea of knowing........." Elladan stopped, he realized he was blaming himself as much as Elrond probably was, "I'm sorry Ada, I do not mean to second guess you. I worry for my little brother, and I feel that had he come with us, he would not be missing right now," whispered Elladan softly.  
  
"El, can I ask you a question?"  
  
"Sure, I guess," responded Elladan silently as the two rode together fifteen minutes later.  
  
"Well, we're brothers right, you, me and Estel? So if we're like most siblings, and friends, we have a bond formed that most others don't have. Does it feel like he's gone?" Elrohir finally managed to get out what he was feeling. Elladan looked at him with a raised eyebrow.  
  
"I'm not sure I understand," Elladan said.  
  
"Well I mean, don't you think we'd feel something if Estel was dead? Right now we're we're just fearing the words. I mean the weather is bad, Estel doesn't know enough about the wilderness, so how could he be alive......... Look into your soul, El, deep inside and tell me does it feel like he's died? Do you feel empty inside? Like you've lost something deep inside that you shared with Estel, or something you share with me or Ada? Is there a hollowness there that you've never felt before?" Elladan was about to answer, then realized Elrohir wanted an honest answer, Elladan thought for a second, letting the snow fall around them. He closed his eyes and trying to imagine how he really felt deep inside right now.  
  
"No," was the only word he said. Elrohir smiled gently.  
  
"Neither do I," with that the two rode in silence. 


	5. Falling

~Falling~  
  
Snow, or no snow, Estel was sure he had hit every rock, branch, ditch and bump as he fell down the slick steep hill. Pain and awareness slowly returned to him, looking around he took a deep shuddering breath and tried to cry out in pain, the sound only coming out as a small squeak. Fire burned through his ribs, left shoulder, head, through his entire body.  
  
"Hello child," came the gentle voice, looking up slightly his neck protesting he saw her again, Celebrain.  
  
"Amme, am I going to die?"  
  
"No small one, your family is coming for you."  
  
"I'm so cold," he murmured.  
  
"I know young one, but I need you to do your best, there is a cave a little ways north, if you can make it there you will be found."  
  
"No Wargs?" She chuckled softly, touching his soaked curls.  
  
"No Wargs small one."  
  
"I'm hurt," he whimpered.  
  
"Yes little one, but if you remain here you will not survive, getting there is going to hurt, but if you don't get there you will die."  
  
"I want to die," he sobbed. She took the child into her arms, trying to comfort him.  
  
"Why do you want to die?"  
  
"Because I'm killing my family, I'm a hassle for them."  
  
"Seldo, you are no burden or hassle for them, they adore you. Now you get up and out of this snow and get to that cave, 'tis not far I promise," she whispered smiling at him. He nodded slowly, pain stabbing through his head and slowly stood up, pain shooting through every part of his body, including some parts he didn't know he had.  
  
"I love you Amme," he whimpered.  
  
"Oh seldo, I cannot wait until the day I meet you, but until that day you must keep fighting. Yes there will be days worse than others, but you must fight."  
  
"I will," he murmured. With that she was gone.  
  
~*~  
  
"Ada, look more tracks, they lead right off the cliff," whispered Elladan as he looked around. Below there was nothing much, a small cave, an iced over lake, which lead to a larger stream up north, and empty ground.  
  
"Is there another way to get down there?" Inquired Elrond, as he looked around.  
  
"Yeah, there is a less steep drop over here," stated Elrohir.  
  
"We're going down there," Elrond jumped off his horse and hurried down the hill, his two sons following him.  
  
"Estel!" yelled Elrond.  
  
"HELP!" Came the weak scream, three heads swiveled over to the lake. Estel, probably not knowing where he was had tried making his way to the cave, moving across the lake that he could not see. A few steps did it in for him. Within moments the ice had cracked.  
  
"ESTEL!" Yelled Elladan as he ran forward in sheer panic, Elrohir grabbed him by his tunic.  
  
"The ice is cracked, elf or not, we could still fall through the ice," Elrohir stated. Estel was gripping onto the slippery ice the best he could, but they could tell he would lose his grip any minute.  
  
"Glorfindel we need a rope and a dry cloak!" yelled Elrond as he looked at his youngest child.  
  
"Ada please!" Estel cried out, Elrond looked back to see Glorfindel and Gandalf coming down the supplies in hand.  
  
"Hold on Estel, we're coming," Elrond stated. He took the rope and began to tie it around his waist.  
  
"What are you doing?" Elladan asked.  
  
"I'm going to tie this rope around my waist, then go out there and get him, he can't hold on much longer."  
  
"No, no, you need to be strong enough to heal him, I'll go," Elladan stated. Elrond looked at his son and shook his head.  
  
"No, no, I will not put any more of my sons in danger."  
  
"Ada, there's no time to argue, you and Gandalf are the best healers around, you need all your strength. That water is below freezing, please Ada," Elrond looked at him again and nodded.  
  
"Fine, just be careful," Elladan nodded as he tied the rope around his waist and headed out on the ice. He heard it crack a couple times as he moved forward.  
  
"Estel, hold on please tithen pen hold on," Elladan whispered as he came closer, Estel lips were blue now, and he was shivering.  
  
"I..........I can't.......hold.........on," muttered Estel as his hands began to slip again. They were too numb to grip any longer, and the boy plunged into the water. Elladan hissed in elfish and dived through the cracked hole. The freezing water took his breath away. It was like an ice cube. Breaking the surface again, Elladan took a deep breath and then dove down deeper, trying to find his little brother.  
  
The water was murky, but clear, making it a little easier for Elladan to find his young brother.  
  
Elrond, Glorfindel, Gandalf and Elrohir stood, holding the rope impatiently. Watching for some sign of the two they loved. Elrohir reached out gently to grip his father's hand.  
  
Elrond was staring at the ice, as if willing his sons to appear, but as moments passed and there was still no sign, Elrond began to lose hope of getting either of his sons back.  
  
"Come on El," whispered Elrohir softly.  
  
Elladan had finally managed to spot his younger brother. The child was unconscious, Elladan wrapped an arm around Estel's waist and began to pull his younger brother towards the surface where he could see the light coming.  
  
However, the chill was deeply affecting his body, he was finding it hard to move his muscles, and he was running out of air. Not knowing what else to do he gave a might yank on the rope, hoping his brother and father would do the rest.  
  
Elrohir felt the rope yanked first, and instantly began to pull it, afraid for the worst.  
  
"Help me!" Elrohir yelled as the four grabbed the rope and began to pull, Elrohir rushed forward, not caring about the ice, finally, Elladan's head popped up, followed by Estel's.  
  
"Thank Ilvutar," whispered Elrond.  
  
"Come on brother," stated Elrohir as he dragged his young brother out of the ice first, then Elladan. Elrohir, unsure of what to do with his brother held Estel tightly and wrapped the warm cloak around him.  
  
"He's not breathing," murmured Elladan as they made it to the shore.  
  
"Come here little one," spoke Elrond painfully as he gripped the child in his arms and listened to his heart for a moment. Placing his hand over Estel's chest he closed his eyes.  
  
"Please little one," whispered Elrond as tears trailed down his cheeks.  
  
A/N: Okay, there is one more chapter after this one, then that will lead to a more light hearted story. I am currently a little behind on my writing, and I'm busy with another series of stories, and a story from another genre of fan fiction. I'm also trying to keep my English grades up and my Physics grades. So next week please do not be too surprised if I update ones throughout the week, I am finishing up a project for English. Thank you all of your for your kind words while I was feeling so ill, as well as your patience for my later updates every other couple days. I'm trying to keep ahead of the stories I'm writing, so you don't have to wait weeks for chapters. Okay I'll stop rambling take care! 


	6. My Angel

~Going Home~  
  
The silence was deafening as Elrond held the limp child in his arms, giving him some of his energy. They all watched, waiting for some sign of life. Elladan had been given a warm cloak as well and was now standing beside his brother, an arm draped around his shoulders to help warm him a little.  
  
"You've come this far small one, do not give up just yet," whispered Elrond as he waited. Suddenly, as though the boy had heard him, Estel's heart began to beat again, slow and steady then faster.  
  
Estel took a deep gasping breath, and then began to cough. Placing him on the ground, Elrond watched his son cough up water.  
  
"Easy ion nin, breath, just take it one breath at a time."  
  
"We need to head home," Gandalf said looking at Elrond.  
  
"All right, come let us begin our ride home," Elrond said as he continued to hold his son close. The child was now unconscious in Elrond's arms again.  
  
"Come on El, you're riding with me," whispered Elrohir. Elladan did not argue the point.  
  
~*~  
  
It didn't take long to get home, they were back at Rivendell before night fall, Elrond raced up the stairs with his son Estel in his arms and Gandalf right behind him. Elrohir helped Elladan up to his room, while Glorfindel offered to put the horses down for the night.  
  
"Estel, son, wake up," whispered Elrond as he leaned over the bed, Elladan had refused to get any sleep until he saw his brother first.  
  
"Come on son, you're home now, and safe," Elrond whispered as Gandalf took a look for any broken bones or injuries. Elrond searched his son's face for some sign of comprehension. He smiled when slowly the child's eye lids rose slightly. Estel looked around and saw his two brothers, his Ada and Gandalf.  
  
Estel groaned slightly, he felt so horrible, his entire body hurt, and he just wanted to sleep. Looking around he felt tears fill his eyes.  
  
"Daddy, are you.........are you really.........here?" With all the strength he had he lifted a hand to touch Elrond's cheek.  
  
"Yes little one, I'm really here, you've given us quite a scare tithen pen," whispered Elrond smiling. Estel nodded slowly and weakly turned his head to look up at his brothers. He saw Elladan and felt tears filling his eyes.  
  
"I.........I'm sorry," he whispered weakly. Elladan felt tears welling in his eyes as he nodded and touched the child's damp hair.  
  
"I'm sorry too small one, I love you," he whispered pressing a kiss to Estel's forehead.  
  
"Sleep now seldo," Elrond whispered as he watched his son fighting his exhaustion. Estel nodded slightly and finally gave into the blackness.  
  
~*~  
  
Elrond sighed as he gazed at his young son, the child was feverish, but covered in several blankets. His left arm was bandaged where it was fractured, his knee wrapped from twisting it, and his scratches and bruises cared for. Now they just had to wait. Elladan and Elrohir were sleeping for awhile.  
  
Elrond sat in the rocking chair, a blanket draped over his, fast asleep, Gandalf was the only one up and about. Elrond heard Gandalf's movements and blinked quickly.  
  
"How is he?" Elrond asked stretching and rubbing his eyes.  
  
"Sleeping peacefully, his fever is high though. Why don't you go lie down and get some rest mellon nin," stated Gandalf.  
  
"No, I won't......... I can't leave him," whispered Elrond gently.  
  
"Try to get some rest mellon nin, even if it is in here." Elrond nodded and looked down at his sleeping son, a soft smile caressed the child's lips.  
  
~*~  
  
Good night my angel time to close you eyes  
And save these questions for another day  
I think I know what you've been asking me  
I think you know what I've been trying to say  
  
I promised I would never leave you  
And you should always know  
Where ever you may go  
No matter where you are  
I never will be far away  
  
The soft singing aroused Elrond slightly, as he slowly blinked and opened his eyes. Looking around he smiled as he saw Elladan sitting in another chair, in his arms was Estel. The child was sitting in his arms, Estel's head resting against Elladan's shoulder as he slept, his finger in his mouth.  
  
Good night my angel now it's time to sleep  
And still so many things I want to say  
Remember all the songs you sang for me  
When we went sailing on an emerald bay  
  
And like a boat out on the ocean  
I'm rocking you to sleep  
The water's dark and deep  
Inside this ancient heart  
You'll always be a part of me  
  
Goodnight my angel now it's time to dream  
And dream how wonderful your life will be  
Someday your child will cry and if you sing this lullaby  
Then in your heart there will always be a part of me  
  
Someday we'll all be gone  
But lullabies go on and on  
They never die that's how you and I will be  
  
"Elladan?" Elrond said gently looking over at his son, not moving from his position in the chair.  
  
"Morning Ada, his fever broke a couple hours ago, he woke once, and I decided to help him get back to sleep," Elladan stated softly as he ran his hand through the human's unruly hair. Elrond understood exactly what Elladan wasn't saying. The young elf needed to assure himself that Estel was alive and fine.  
  
"Ada?" came the small voice. Elladan smiled as the child shifted at his shoulder.  
  
"I'm here ion," whispered Elrond as he touched his son's forehead. Out of no where Estel began to cry. Elrond, unsure what to do lifted Estel into his arms.  
  
"Shh, what's wrong son?"  
  
"I.........I heard you an'.........Gandalf talking.........he said you were gonna die,"  
  
"When did you hear this?" Elrond inquired.  
  
"When you were out in the garden two or three days ago.........Gandalf.........said you were gonna die in a.........week," the child whimpered into his father's shoulder. Gandalf, remembering the conversation came over and touched the child's cheek.  
  
"We were not talking about your Ada little one, we were talking about a human we found a week back. The man was dying of a horrible disease. We had done everything we could for him. I spoke with the elven family he was staying with, they said he died early yesterday morning."  
  
"But I.........I heard the elven children saying I.........I was a burden." Elrond smiled and hugged his son tightly to his chest.  
  
"You are no such thing tithen pen, if anything you are a miracle to this elven house, you have brought us great joy child. We would not live without you in our lives."  
  
"I'm sorry daddy," the child whimpered burying his head in his father's shoulder.  
  
"Ion nin, look at me," he smiled softly as the child looked at him.  
  
"You have nothing to be sorry for, I love you, and so do your brothers. We forgive you for running away in fear, and for arguing. We forgive you the moment you say or do such things. Because we love you."  
  
"I love you too Ada," the child whispered hugging close to his father.  
  
"Get some rest little one, for you have many trying days ahead of you," Elrond whispered as his son began to fall asleep on his shoulder, Estel's thumb once again, captured in his mouth. 'The innocent picture of an angel' though Elrond softly.  
  
~*~  
  
"Come here El, that's a boy, good boy," Estel laughed as the small puppy licked his face enthusiastically. He had named the puppy after his father and brothers, and the puppy adored the boy as much as Estel loved him.  
  
"Come on Estel, do you wanna go ride your new pony or not?"  
  
"Course I do, I'll be back soon El," Estel said as he grabbed his brother's hands. They swung him back and forth playfully.  
  
Preview: Coming Soon! When Estel Met Arwen  
  
Estel felt the sun against his eyes that early morning, he felt a smile creep across his features, realizing it was only six days until Winter Solstice, and that Ada's daughter Arwen would be coming to visit for the holiday, and that she would arrive today.  
  
Elrond looked at the child, and then noticed Estel's puppy, El jumping off the bed, obviously no longer comfortable as his owner was attempting to take up the rest of the bed.  
  
"You're no help," Elrond said looking at the puppy. The puppy curled up under a nearby chair and placed his paws over his eyes.  
  
Beautiful wasn't the word Estel would have used, breathtaking, stunning, those were more the right words. He could feel his breath catch in his chest as he stared at her. She was stunning, absolutely stunning.  
  
"I'm coming," Estel said with annoyance, today he just didn't feel right. His stomach was driving him nuts. Walking with his two brothers, who were dressed in their formal tunics he remained behind them to meet his foster sister. Suddenly he spotted some flowers sitting nearby in a vase, not caring what anyone said he quickly grabbed them gently and held them in his hand. Maybe he could win her over.  
  
"Glorfindel you nearly gave me a heart attack!" Estel said smiling. Glorfindel chuckled and looked at the boy.  
  
"I assume you got their presents?" Estel nodded and pulled the four boxes out. Glorfindel took a peak at Elrond's and smiled widely.  
  
"You are a kind soul child," Glorfindel said smiling, /and you will make a kind King/. He thought but shook his head, "what is in this box child?" He asked pointing to the fourth box.  
  
"I'm only eight years old, you must be at least two thousand years old, how can it ever work between us?"  
  
"Ada, what was your favorite present ever?" came Estel's tired voice from Elrond's shoulder. 


End file.
